& so it begins

8/1/09 - 9/1/09 9/1/09 - 10/1/09 10/1/09 - 11/1/09 11/1/09 - 12/1/09 12/1/09 - 1/1/10 1/1/10 - 2/1/10 2/1/10 - 3/1/10 3/1/10 - 4/1/10 4/1/10 - 5/1/10 5/1/10 - 6/1/10 6/1/10 - 7/1/10 7/1/10 - 8/1/10 8/1/10 - 9/1/10 9/1/10 - 10/1/10 10/1/10 - 11/1/10 11/1/10 - 12/1/10 12/1/10 - 1/1/11 1/1/11 - 2/1/11 2/1/11 - 3/1/11 3/1/11 - 4/1/11 4/1/11 - 5/1/11 5/1/11 - 6/1/11 6/1/11 - 7/1/11 7/1/11 - 8/1/11 8/1/11 - 9/1/11 9/1/11 - 10/1/11 10/1/11 - 11/1/11 11/1/11 - 12/1/11 12/1/11 - 1/1/12 1/1/12 - 2/1/12 2/1/12 - 3/1/12 6/1/12 - 7/1/12 7/1/12 - 8/1/12 8/1/12 - 9/1/12 9/1/12 - 10/1/12 10/1/12 - 11/1/12 6/1/13 - 7/1/13 7/1/13 - 8/1/13 8/1/13 - 9/1/13 9/1/13 - 10/1/13 12/1/13 - 1/1/14 1/1/14 - 2/1/14 2/1/14 - 3/1/14 3/1/14 - 4/1/14 4/1/14 - 5/1/14

depression came crawling back. my boyfriend talked it out with me and did his best in comforting me but i blew it off of course. i think with not having enough sleep and eating so unhealthy is getting to me.

the new year is coming! i already plan to break the one i made earlier tonight. i've become a bitter girl. i want to hurt people emotionally. i want to torture their souls and crush them like little ants. i guess that will be one of my resolution. to let things go. to realize that, their life sucks and mine is way better. also, they've been emotionally damage for a long time. i'm so evil.

so there.
oh, how dare my body trick itself into thinking that i'm going through pms. freaking ridiculous. and my sleeping AND eating schedule is not helping it. the human body and all it's complexity but why does mine have to be so weird. i've gone through this nausea episodes for years now and my physician can't figure it out. i thought i could maintain it but i can't. i hate always feeling like i have to throw up. the worst. worst, i say! *sigh. sorry world, i will gag every time cold weather hits me too sudden or once in awhile after a meal. that's my life.
there's more to life than money. it's very unchristian-like to be "stealing" from your friends.

uhm i understand you have money problems. a lot of people do. but when you start using people like that it's fucking despicable. people are not objects. i hope you get what's coming to you. oh wait, it's already has. you have a pathetic job and it'll never get better for you.

i will never be able to trust you again. i guess i have to keep money separate between us and that's sad.

i really do hate how money can instantly change people. how it turns people into devious deceptive animals hungry for cash. how it causes people to become greedy, jealous, and angry.

it has torn many relationships in my family and i can't believe it may start to tear up relationships i have with my friends. i can't believe you.

i can't get rid of my hatred towards all human beings. i need a new atmosphere.
suck. A LOT.

i have a horrible sleeping schedule and i haven't been able to get my 10 hours of sleep everyday. i worked 5 days of morning shifts, 4 of them were in a row, and 1 nightshift. worst week ever but hopefully it all pays off when i get the paycheck!

i've become cynical working at this restaurant. i'm tired of everyone. i'm just tired of being taken advantage of. shit.

i'm disappointed and upset at you. you are the worst right now and all i want is to be selfish.
i'm tired of letting people use me and treat me like shit when they feel insecure about themselves. i'm tired of not saying what i should say because i'm afraid i will tear them apart. fuck yo insecurities!! grow some balls, appreciate what you got, learn to love what you don't got, and leave me the fuck out of it. i'm sorry that i'm comfortable with myself even though i have plenty of flaws (that you love to point out) and you find it as a threat.
when you were jealous of all the pretty girls in high school and now they've gotten fugly is kinda awesome :]