& so it begins

8/1/09 - 9/1/09 9/1/09 - 10/1/09 10/1/09 - 11/1/09 11/1/09 - 12/1/09 12/1/09 - 1/1/10 1/1/10 - 2/1/10 2/1/10 - 3/1/10 3/1/10 - 4/1/10 4/1/10 - 5/1/10 5/1/10 - 6/1/10 6/1/10 - 7/1/10 7/1/10 - 8/1/10 8/1/10 - 9/1/10 9/1/10 - 10/1/10 10/1/10 - 11/1/10 11/1/10 - 12/1/10 12/1/10 - 1/1/11 1/1/11 - 2/1/11 2/1/11 - 3/1/11 3/1/11 - 4/1/11 4/1/11 - 5/1/11 5/1/11 - 6/1/11 6/1/11 - 7/1/11 7/1/11 - 8/1/11 8/1/11 - 9/1/11 9/1/11 - 10/1/11 10/1/11 - 11/1/11 11/1/11 - 12/1/11 12/1/11 - 1/1/12 1/1/12 - 2/1/12 2/1/12 - 3/1/12 6/1/12 - 7/1/12 7/1/12 - 8/1/12 8/1/12 - 9/1/12 9/1/12 - 10/1/12 10/1/12 - 11/1/12 6/1/13 - 7/1/13 7/1/13 - 8/1/13 8/1/13 - 9/1/13 9/1/13 - 10/1/13 12/1/13 - 1/1/14 1/1/14 - 2/1/14 2/1/14 - 3/1/14 3/1/14 - 4/1/14 4/1/14 - 5/1/14

was simple. i was stressed on having to take care of my mother. i swear she doesn't like being nice to me. i think i just push her too much when it comes to her exercises at home.

i've been dying from back pain all spring break. it's the worst before bed because i think too much before i sleep.

i did get to go to disneyland with my cousins and their kids. adorable kids. i want kids lol. bought each kid those hats with ears on them. steven was dragged around like the fathers of the trip whom were annoyed with every line we waited at.

i went to DTF for the first time! woo hoo. it was a bar that was packed to the max. picked up nila and met up with tami and her friends. we did not have to wait in line (thank goodness!) and there was no fee, yay! totally look liked a fool dancing with a gay guy because he was way too good while i looked ridiculous dancing. didn't stay long because we were not dressed for the part (as in we did not know it was more like a club scene, we were bundled up because of the rain lol). i'm down for more DTF though :]

had a girl's night out to exchange LA. thankfully, grace was DD this time but we still got plastered at the club. i was genuinely surprised every time a guy came up to me lol. also it wasn't so hard to get free drinks that night :] i was too into the music with all the alcohol in me that i elbowed, stepped, bumped heads into any guy who tried to dance with me which kept me away from a lot of people lol. i don't remember any faces that night and i hope the pictures taken were freaking hot. i kinda enjoyed the attention we were getting. felt like we were hot stuff. and to end this wonderful night WE GOT GHETTO DOGS. ahhhhhh delicious.

other than that, my spring break consists of expensive meals and shopping. yuppp
- cut my extensions to make it look real
- bang, bang, bang me up! getting bangs
- clean and rearrange my room
- clean my closet
- need to stop making a mess after putting make up on!! the worst habit ever
- save money asap
- win me that 300 mill. mega millionaire here i come
- get shit ready for school
- take recommended drugs
- exercise, sleep, eat healthy
i guess it's a sign that i need to get my booty to the gym :[
- i need hair extensions now. ugh i don't want to buy it if it's gonna look fake because my hair is too short though. i also need a hair dye. i wanna do BRIGHT red orange. but naaah i'll stick to light brown :]
- gym needs to be in my life again. ugh
- my mother makes me nervous. she just had a seizure attack today. luckily, she was with my aunt at the time when it happened. i don't know what would happen if she was home alone like she usually is.
- i wish i had a sister. i love my brothers and all but it would be nice to have a permanent girlfriend.
- i have 2 grand saved up with no plans to use it. i still feel poor as shit because my credit card bills are pretty high. also, i want it to be emergency money for the family.
- i hurt my back at work and now i'm on drugs and wearing a back support. our family is full of misfortunes in the health department. also have another appointment to check out my nausea problem AGAIN. it'll never go away :[
- i'm scared for my father. i don't want him to feel stressed because of my mom, money, etc. he needs to stay healthy for us. please let him stay healthy for us.
- it sucks missing people especially in time of need. i'm sucha fuck up.
- goodnight.
to see people i haven't hung out with in forever.

as of now:
lunch date with ex-coworker and coworkers
DISNEYLAND with my cousins and their kids
DISNEYLAND double date
LADIES NIGHT OUT get my groove on
sushi lunch date with my oldest best friend
BEEEEEACH please
and probably some more disneyland :]
i have no balls when it comes up with confessing/talking out my feelings. i'm the type to hold everything in and to never let it out especially towards the person therefore having to rely on talking about them behind their backs so to say. i can't get over myself and allow myself to be a friend.

when i was a child, i had a best friend who used me. she'd steal my toys and lied to me about it. i was an awkward child who always felt like a weirdo. i didn't know how to act towards other people. i was a nerd. i'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me out there but just to understand that i'm still that weird kid who has horrible social skills. i just feel so abused from people that it's hard to do this friendship crap. i just really miss having someone to open up to without feeling judged or get put down for anything i have to say. that's why i spend so much of my time solely on steven. he takes in all my awkwardness and he listens (but still judges when i tell him not to).

i fear for the worst and i think it might come true. i'm nervous and scared. i'm going to the doctor on friday to find out. i hate looking up symptoms on the internet because i always think the worst. ugh, i don't think i can take it if i do find out what's wrong with me. i'm just worrying myself too much but still. wish me luck.
i miss feeling pretty. this short hair business and my horrible acne needs to be fixed. i have no passion for shopping so my clothes are boring. i'm gaining weight in the stomach area and only there :[ my ass is flabby. i'm flabby.

spring is gonna be the new me. i'm planning to dye my hair a lighter brown and once it's long enough, get extensions. i'm gonna start going back to the gym. i'm paying off my bills so i can save up for bigger things. i'm in search of good facial products so i don't have to cake on the make up. i'm gonna plan for the future.

i just want to be pretty. well i want to be hot. haha both. i've been a green monster by being jealous of every pretty girl i see. it's no fun.