& so it begins

8/1/09 - 9/1/09 9/1/09 - 10/1/09 10/1/09 - 11/1/09 11/1/09 - 12/1/09 12/1/09 - 1/1/10 1/1/10 - 2/1/10 2/1/10 - 3/1/10 3/1/10 - 4/1/10 4/1/10 - 5/1/10 5/1/10 - 6/1/10 6/1/10 - 7/1/10 7/1/10 - 8/1/10 8/1/10 - 9/1/10 9/1/10 - 10/1/10 10/1/10 - 11/1/10 11/1/10 - 12/1/10 12/1/10 - 1/1/11 1/1/11 - 2/1/11 2/1/11 - 3/1/11 3/1/11 - 4/1/11 4/1/11 - 5/1/11 5/1/11 - 6/1/11 6/1/11 - 7/1/11 7/1/11 - 8/1/11 8/1/11 - 9/1/11 9/1/11 - 10/1/11 10/1/11 - 11/1/11 11/1/11 - 12/1/11 12/1/11 - 1/1/12 1/1/12 - 2/1/12 2/1/12 - 3/1/12 6/1/12 - 7/1/12 7/1/12 - 8/1/12 8/1/12 - 9/1/12 9/1/12 - 10/1/12 10/1/12 - 11/1/12 6/1/13 - 7/1/13 7/1/13 - 8/1/13 8/1/13 - 9/1/13 9/1/13 - 10/1/13 12/1/13 - 1/1/14 1/1/14 - 2/1/14 2/1/14 - 3/1/14 3/1/14 - 4/1/14 4/1/14 - 5/1/14

i want to leave but i don't want to leave. i'm scared because i don't know how to change my ways. i spend too much but i always know more is coming. i was so confident of what i wanted but now i'm nervous. i've been so dependent on it. maybe i should wait, maybe i shouldn't. i want to just say FUCK YOU. i think i might. it's coming and i don't want anyone to know. no one will see it coming surely til it comes.